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Sunday, September 9, 2007

I needed this today...

We have all had bad dates…but this takes the cake. This just tells you how tough it is to be single nowadays. This was on the “Tonight Show” with Jay Leno. Jay went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. The winner described her worst first date experience. There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!

She said it was midwinter… snowing and quite cold… and the guy had taken her skiing in the mountains outside of Salt Lake City,Utah. It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and truly had never met before. The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon. They
were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte.

They were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere! Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while. Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point when she told him that he had better stop and let her pee beside the road, or it would be on the front seat of his car.

They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started. In the deep snow she didn’t have good footing, so she let her tush rest against the rear fender to steady herself.

Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think about was the relief she felt, despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation. Upon finishing, however, she soon became aware of another sensation.

As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car’s fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to pump handles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal.

It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem due to the extreme cold. Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor of the moment, she answered her date’s concerns about “what is taking so long” with a reply that, indeed, she was “freezing her butt off and in need of some assistance!”

He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing. She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma.

Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem. Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal!

Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free. So, as she looked the other way, her first-time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender.

As the audience screamed in laughter, she took the Tonight Show prize hands down… or perhaps that should be “pants down.” And you thought your first date was embarrassing. Jay Leno’s comment, “This gives a whole new meaning to being p*ssed off”. (My uncles used to say "it is better to be p*ssed off than p*ssed on!")

UPDATE on my brother
- He is still in the ICU and the Drs. have said he is still in critical condition - the list of his ailments: he has meningitis, a Staph infection in his blood, and has had two strokes since he has been admitted. The bad news is that anyone with meningitis has a 50/50 chance of survival...the good news is that Bob seems to be doing somewhat better. Yesterday was really bad, but today was much, much better. The antibiotics are still working. He recognized me today and even asked (with difficulty, because of the strokes), "What do I have to do to get some ice?" There was a moment where I was dumbfounded, but I recovered pretty quickly and said, "All you have to do is put your lips together and say 'ice'." So he said "Ice", and I spoon fed him almost half a cup. He is responding better and is able to tell us when he is in pain and when he is okay...so it's very promising. I truly believe that God will see him through this and he will recover. Our mom is flying down from Alaska for the winter, ending her summer up there a little bit early so she can be here for Bob. I'm thankful - this has been a hard week on her -- being so far away.

"Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much." -- James 5:16

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5 comments:

Melissa Garrett said...

GASP! What a story!!

Thinking of your family . . .

My husband had meningitis as a teenager, and he's fully recovered. Granted, he didn't also suffer a stroke, but I hope knowing he CAN overcome the infection brings a bit of relief.

ellen b said...

Ok the date story is incredible. Thanks for the update on your brother and that's great that your mom will be with him in person soon.

Dana said...

Thanks for sharing that story...I needed the laugh!

I am sorry to hear about your brother, but am glad to hear he is doing a bit better.

Dapoppins said...

I will pray right now...glad your brother is doing better.

And I don't think I would ever tell Jay Leno that some one peed on me.

Julianna said...

Oh no! Praying for your brother.