My sweet husband taught a combined men's and women's Bible Study class yesterday morning and something he said has been tugging at my heart every since.
Our church is preparing for a revival that will occur in another four weeks. We are earnestly seeking God's face before the event by holding cottage prayer meetings on the next four Saturday nights. And he made the remark that "Revival is not an event - it's a process that begins in each one of us and culminates into something larger than we are." It's fine to pray and ask God to be there, but if we really want a revival, it has to be more about us than the church.
How absolutely true. It's not some big event to look forward to, it's the daily behind-the-scenes workings that God is doing on our hearts that ultimately determines the outcome of our revival. I have been praying that God would bring whatever is hidden in my heart to light, so that I can deal with it before the revival and be the wife, mother, daughter, and friend that I need to be.
And here I am - feeling so incredibly convicted today. I suddenly find myself in Romans Chapters 9 through 11, and I find my heart drawn to study repentence. I have put too many things before my relationship with God and have even found myself comfortable allowing Him to just come along for the ride without ever consulting Him first about where He actually wants me to go.
I've overextended myself in too many areas and now my family suffers for my lack of discipline and inability to "just say no". I don't know how to get it all done and redeem my time without starting my day with Bible study and prayer. And yet I find myself making excuses on almost a daily basis as to why it's okay that I haven't prayed yet, or read my Bible.
This morning my son told me about a dream he had last night. He dreamed that Jesus came back and we were all in Heaven (our whole family) and Brother Roby (our youth pastor) was there and Lulu (my MIL) was there and a whole slew of other people. He talked about how beautiful it was and how he was so excited to see Jesus. He described the trees and the grass and said it was the most beautiful place he'd ever been to in his whole life.
Then his countenance fell and I asked him, "What's the matter, buddy?" He simply shrugged and said, "It was just a dream, mom. I was so sad when I woke up. I wanted to be in Heaven with Jesus because I love Him." And my heart broke for my son a little right then and there.
That's just one of many good reasons for me to remember why I was put on this earth. It wasn't to have the most popular blog, it wasn't so that I could spend all day on the computer stressing out because someone is waiting on their blog design, or to spend my nights trying to catch up on emails and make sure that my feed reader is all caught up.
I was put here to oversee three beautiful children who need a mother and guide in this sometimes fierce and always dark world. I am to be their light and salt - a living testimony of God's Power and Grace so that when the time comes for them to leave home, they are ready to face the world because greater is He that is in them than he that is in the world.
Lord, help me to remember that. I want to be so much better than I am.
"For our conversation is in heaven; from whence also we look for the Saviour, the Lord Jesus Christ" - Romans 5:9.
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