A Holiday Impasse
I have started this blog post no less than 5 times. I have 3 drafts sitting in my drafts folder that I started and have absolutely no idea how to finish.
Other moms compose witty, humorous posts about their crafty and adventurous days with their kids while I find myself wanting to escape to some place where I can have a day to myself to just be. Other moms seemingly have it all together, while I am falling apart at the seams on a daily basis.
Christmas is three days away. I have not decorated my house (save the tree, which the kids did), I have not baked one Christmas item, addressed one card, created one newsletter, or purchased/made one gift for anyone.
I am at an impasse. I want to find the words to explain what I'm going through, but they escape me. I want to cry, but I can't.
God has just been too good to me this year. He has seen us through some of the worst times in not only our financial lives, but our marriage as well. I should be expressing my thanks and giving Him the glory He so deserves.
The most a reader can ever really witness in a blog post is 10-15 minutes of a writer's day. And while I try to blog about the good things that God has done for me, I realize that I spend an inordinate amount of time feeling so sorry for myself and the situation I find myself in, that more often than not, I miss the mark. I want to be so much better than I am. But there are sadly, some things I forgot to tell you.
I forgot to tell you that God has miraculously kept our 13 year old van running in spite of the fact that it has over 200K miles on it.
I forgot to tell you that even though the deal fell through on my husband's truck and it didn't sell, we were able to get his licensing fees paid.
I forgot to let you know that someone who doesn't know me outside of reading my blog sent me $200 when I talked about my husband's licensing problems to help us pay for said licenses.
I forgot to tell you that a precious, dear client sent me embroidered gifts for my children when I wrote that Christmas would be sparser than ever this year.
I forgot to share with you that our church picked us as the family that would receive the food basket one month when our cupboards were so bare, I was literally in tears about having to cook another pot of beans.
I forgot to tell you that our prayers were answered when my husband found a temporary job through the Christmas holidays that would enable us to keep our lights on and food on the table.
I forgot to let you know that just about the time I am ready to throw in the towel and cry, God does something else to renew my faith and keep me going. He is my sustainer and without His mercy and grace and the sacrifice that his precious Son Jesus made, I would be inconsolable this Christmas season.
I forgot to tell you that I am so incredibly thankful for Christ Jesus who took on the form of a man to redeem the world, who will forever BE a man, who now sits at the right hand of my Heavenly Father, and is making intercession for me when I can't find the words to express my feelings.
I forgot to share with you that Jesus is the sweetest name I know.
Do you know him?
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Other moms compose witty, humorous posts about their crafty and adventurous days with their kids while I find myself wanting to escape to some place where I can have a day to myself to just be. Other moms seemingly have it all together, while I am falling apart at the seams on a daily basis.
Christmas is three days away. I have not decorated my house (save the tree, which the kids did), I have not baked one Christmas item, addressed one card, created one newsletter, or purchased/made one gift for anyone.
I am at an impasse. I want to find the words to explain what I'm going through, but they escape me. I want to cry, but I can't.
God has just been too good to me this year. He has seen us through some of the worst times in not only our financial lives, but our marriage as well. I should be expressing my thanks and giving Him the glory He so deserves.
The most a reader can ever really witness in a blog post is 10-15 minutes of a writer's day. And while I try to blog about the good things that God has done for me, I realize that I spend an inordinate amount of time feeling so sorry for myself and the situation I find myself in, that more often than not, I miss the mark. I want to be so much better than I am. But there are sadly, some things I forgot to tell you.
I forgot to tell you that God has miraculously kept our 13 year old van running in spite of the fact that it has over 200K miles on it.
I forgot to tell you that even though the deal fell through on my husband's truck and it didn't sell, we were able to get his licensing fees paid.
I forgot to let you know that someone who doesn't know me outside of reading my blog sent me $200 when I talked about my husband's licensing problems to help us pay for said licenses.
I forgot to tell you that a precious, dear client sent me embroidered gifts for my children when I wrote that Christmas would be sparser than ever this year.
I forgot to share with you that our church picked us as the family that would receive the food basket one month when our cupboards were so bare, I was literally in tears about having to cook another pot of beans.
I forgot to tell you that our prayers were answered when my husband found a temporary job through the Christmas holidays that would enable us to keep our lights on and food on the table.
I forgot to let you know that just about the time I am ready to throw in the towel and cry, God does something else to renew my faith and keep me going. He is my sustainer and without His mercy and grace and the sacrifice that his precious Son Jesus made, I would be inconsolable this Christmas season.
I forgot to tell you that I am so incredibly thankful for Christ Jesus who took on the form of a man to redeem the world, who will forever BE a man, who now sits at the right hand of my Heavenly Father, and is making intercession for me when I can't find the words to express my feelings.
I forgot to share with you that Jesus is the sweetest name I know.
Do you know him?
Comments
You've just described our entire past year. Just over a year ago I began counseling with a lady from church because I was so overwhelmed. I've told you we're self-employed as well. Last January my husband got so sick we had no money for food and the church held a food collection for us. We thought we'd recover after he got back to work, but the work has slow and sparse nearly this whole year. My car has spent at least 50% of the time for the last 12 months at least, NOT working. The list goes on and on. BUT...
YOU ARE SO RIGHT.
At every turn, God is there. He is our sustainer and provider and He is all we need. It's not easy, it's harder than heck sometimes, but we keep going, because we have to and because God enables us to - and somehow in the middle of it all he blesses us in spite of it all.
God bless you and keep you, sweet Karen. {{HUGS}}
And remember, it's not the decorations, it's not the baking, it's not the gifts that matter right now anyway. It's Jesus. Seems to me you've got your focus where it needs to be - difficult as it may be to skimp on the other things.
God bless you and your family as you celebrate the BEST gift.
((((hugs))))
Blessings,
Dianne
I love you my friend...and remember you are not alone
Have a Merry Christmas :-)
Yes, I know Him! We have had years just like yours. They come, they go, but he is ever-faithful and sees us through...
I am so glad you shared your heart in such a transparent and meaningful way. Your post speaks greater truths than any baking/shopping/decorating post ever could on ANY blog out there.
Thank you, and God bless you.
beautiful post. Thanks for sharing!
I hate that I'm just now getting around to catching up on your blog. I loved this post because I know it's straight from your heart.
I've been struggling a lot this year, not necessarily with the same trials or even trials as bad, but struggling with my faith and drifting away from God. I'm determined to get back into the Word, and work on some of my offline relationships.
I'm praying you have a wonderful Christmas and a chance to sit back and take it all in. Wish I was near you to take you out to lunch and give you a hug! Wanna move up here? :)
Thank you for sharing with us.
Please do not take offense, but these links are ones my family uses as well. Perhaps they will be useful for you too.
http://www.angelfoodministries.com/
http://www.thetoymaker.com/2Toys.html
Thank you for sharing.
Have a wonderful and blessed Christmas.
I do know Him. I do know Jesus. Thanks for the reminder.
Praying for you.
I should have read this earlier today. My bad attitude really got the best of me.
Blessings to you, my sweet friend. You do make a difference! Merriest of Christmases to you and your beautiful family!
M